Reluctance Is a Signal, Not a Flaw

Rethinking confidence, values and behaviour in business development

Many capable professionals tell me, often with a hint of frustration or self-judgement:

“I know business development matters… I just find it hard.”

They usually follow this with a reason:

• I don’t want to be pushy
• I’m worried about saying the wrong thing commercially
• It feels awkward
• It doesn’t feel like me

What’s striking is this: these are rarely disengaged or unmotivated people.

They are often:

• conscientious
• values-led
• thoughtful
• deeply committed to doing good work

And yet, they’re the ones most likely to describe themselves as “not confident” at business development.

I don’t think that’s a coincidence.

 

The problem with how we interpret reluctance

In many organisations, reluctance around BD is treated as something to be fixed:

• a mindset problem
• a confidence gap
• a lack of ambition
• or, worse, a personal failing

So the response is often:

• sales training
• motivational talks
• encouragement to “just be braver”

But what if reluctance isn’t resistance?

What if it’s information?

 

What reluctance is often really signalling

In my experience, reluctance around business development commonly signals one or more of the following:

• A discomfort with performative selling
• A fear of damaging trusted relationships
• A lack of language that feels ethically aligned
• A concern about being seen as self-promotional
• Uncertainty about where responsibility for BD really sits

None of these are flaws.

In fact, they often point to strong professional values:

• care
• integrity
• responsibility
• respect for clients and colleagues

The issue isn’t that these people are “bad at BD”.
It’s that much of what we call business development has been modelled in ways that clash with how they want to show up.

 

When confidence gets confused with capability

Another unhelpful assumption is that confidence comes first.

That if you felt more confident, you’d act differently.

Behavioural science tells us the opposite.

Confidence is usually a by-product of action, not a prerequisite for it.
But only when the action feels:

• proportionate
• safe enough
• and aligned with someone’s identity

When BD feels high-risk — emotionally, reputationally, socially — avoidance becomes a rational response.

Especially in busy, high-pressure environments where people default to what feels safest.

 

Why this shows up so strongly in the built environment

In construction, property and engineering, many professionals:

• take pride in technical competence
• are careful with their words
• are used to being judged on accuracy and expertise

Overlay that with:

• male-dominated norms
• extrovert-biased networking models
• unclear expectations around BD

And it’s no surprise that reluctance flourishes — particularly among women and underrepresented voices.

The cost isn’t just individual discomfort.
It’s missed relationships, uneven participation, and over-reliance on a small number of “confident” people.

 

Reframing reluctance as a starting point

If we treat reluctance as information rather than failure, different questions emerge:

• What feels risky here?
• What values am I trying to protect?
• Which parts of BD feel most misaligned?
• What would make this feel safer or clearer?

From there, we can begin to design better approaches, rather than asking people to override their instincts.

That might mean:

• reframing BD as curiosity and care, not persuasion
• breaking it into small, repeatable actions
• giving people language that feels authentic
• recognising different contributions as equally valuable

 

From individual behaviour to systems and culture

This isn’t just an individual challenge.

Reluctance thrives in systems that:

• rely on memory and heroics
• reward visibility over follow-through
• leave expectations implicit
• equate confidence with competence

Inclusive, effective BD cultures do something different.

They:

• make the role of BD explicit
• normalise learning and awkwardness
• value consistency over bravado
• design processes that support different styles

They don’t ask people to be braver.
They lower the emotional barrier so participation feels possible.

 

A final thought

If business development feels uncomfortable for you, that doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong.

It may mean:

• you care about how you show up
• you value relationships
• and you’re working within a model that doesn’t fit you

Reluctance is not a flaw. It’s a signal.

And when we listen to it properly, it can become the starting point for more human, inclusive and effective business development.

Boxx — Business Development, Reframed.